Thinking of going out of state for college? Get insider tips from two students who left their comfort zone.
Why did you initially decide to leave your home state for college?
Emily: Just two years ago, my older sister Julia had defied all odds. Everyone had told her that she was delusional for thinking she could get into and afford college out of state, yet she had earned a full-ride scholarship to Stanford. Since then, I’d been inclined to believe maybe I could beat the odds too–score a ticket out of my hometown. Then a depressed senior, I figured I had nothing to lose. I didn’t like who I was and the idea of a new start, the idea of giving myself a chance to be more carried me forward. It was intoxicatingly terrifying and invigorating to put faith in myself.
Van: When it came time to commit to a college, one of the biggest factors for me was its proximity to home. Being very family-oriented, I knew that I wanted to stay close to home. I had the option of attending a school just two hours away or heading to Stanford, all the way on the other side of the country. Ultimately, I decided to go far from home because I realized that I could only grow if I left. While my desire for the familiarity of home and the East Coast was a strong factor, I knew deep down that leaving home was the right choice, even if I was stepping completely out of my comfort zone.
Was choosing to leave your home community a difficult decision? Who supported you in making that decision?
Emily: While writing countless personal statements and essays, and submitting an endless stream of forms, I felt confident about the decision to leave my home community; I’d be a mad woman to toil over so many out-of-state college applications without a true intention to attend any of these colleges. I wasn’t too nervous about my parent’s reaction because they had at least “let me” apply to these colleges. Once the acceptances started rolling out though, nothing felt real. My parents hadn’t expected anything to come out of the countless applications I’d completed, so they didn’t seem proud like I thought they would. Instead of facing the discomfort I felt from this disappointment, of realizing that achieving what I had obsessed over for months hadn’t magically created my ideal life, I put off deciding what college to attend until the last moments. Three days before I was required to submit my deposit to the college I’d attend in the fall, I finally felt. I cried for three days straight. I cried out of fear to leave my home community, which hadn’t always supported me, but after all, was all I’d ever known. Ultimately though, it was my family and community that helped pick me up. I reached out to my speech coach, who’d been the first in our hometown high school to attend Northwestern; he made the path in front of me feel just a little bit less foreign. My dad consoled me, telling me “I hate seeing you like this, just do what you think is best for you.” My sister advised me to not let my fear hold me back from the opportunities in front of me–I didn’t.
Van: Leaving home was a tough decision. When I first got into Stanford, my mom strongly opposed my going. She wanted me to attend a school closer to home, somewhere I could visit home often and where she could easily come see me. However, when I finally visited Stanford for admit week and called her from campus, she said she could hear how happy I sounded, and that’s what changed her mind. I’m incredibly grateful for the understanding and support of my loved ones throughout the college decision process. Their encouragement was what made all the difference and helped me feel confident in my final decision.
Once you left your home state, what unexpected challenges did you face? How did you overcome them?
Emily: Despite feeling like the incarnation of Neyo’s “Miss Independent,” I quickly realized I was a creation of my family and my home community. It didn’t take long for me once again to cry. My entire source of support had disappeared and there was so much I didn’t know how to do, or had simply not had to do on my own. Knowing I had a lot of personal growth to go through, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. In one of these moments, I met the friends who’d be my home away from home. Having walked past an open door TikTok had promised me was an invitation to make friends, I walked back to introduce myself to the first friends I made in college.
From there, I felt more confident to take on the unknown. A prime example is public transportation. As someone from rural America, I’d only ever seen buses in the movies. Yet with no car, I signed up for a student pass and was on my way to my cherished target runs. Over time, as I leaned on my friends more, I’d do target runs with them. I’d learn a lot with them–what scholarships to apply to so that I could focus more on my studies, that it was a great idea to check out the Chicano Latino Student Association, how to secure free storage for the summer, and so much more.
Van: I moved around a lot as a kid, so I didn’t expect to experience homesickness in the same way some of my peers did. While I’ve made great friends and genuinely enjoy my time at Stanford, there are still moments when I feel a deep sense of isolation on the West Coast, especially since all my family and high school friends are on the East Coast. What helps me overcome these feelings is my support system. I call my parents frequently to check up on them and constantly text my friends to exchange updates about our lives in college and make plans for Thanksgiving and Winter Breaks. Additionally, having good friends here made the transition easier because I knew my friends and classmates were going through the same thing and that we could lean on each other for support.
What advice would you give someone who is thinking of leaving their home community for college? What do you wish someone had told you?
Emily: Looking back now, I wish I would have had the foresight to realize that I had started this journey for a reason. I shouldn’t have been scared to leave my home community for college. I now firmly believe that if an opportunity is in front of me or my head, it’s because it’s meant for me. Having said that, anything hard in life, it’s not done alone. When you move away from home, maintaining relationships becomes complicated. It takes substantially more conscious effort to stay connected with hometown friends and family, and vice versa, when you move back home, you’ll leave the friends you made in college. You should never stop making time and space to nurture the relationships that have shaped you and supported you.
Van: Don’t be afraid to step out of your bubble. Leaving everything you’ve known can feel incredibly scary. While it was a bit less intimidating for me since I had lived in California before, it was still a tough decision to return, especially when I now knew no one. Ultimately, it’s important to trust yourself and not let anyone else’s opinion sway your choice. It won’t be easy, but you have to make the decision that feels right for YOU. And remember—whether you choose to leave or stay, both paths are perfectly okay.
How have you grown since leaving your home community? Even though this might have been a difficult decision, what advice would you give someone who may need a bit of courage to make this decision?
Emily: Despite being profoundly more appreciative of my hometown and the ways it makes me unique, I’m cognizant of all the growth I’ve achieved by leaving my hometown community. When you are in a new space you realize what you’ve been doing out of habit and what you truly want to do. Some of these realizations are a bit trivial–I never liked mixed nuts, that was just my family’s go-to snack, but others are literally so big you can’t miss them. Physically, I’ve felt more confident in expressing myself through fashion in ways I never felt comfortable doing in my rural hometown. I feel empowered to live my most authentic self.
Van: I think I’ve grown a lot since leaving. In high school, I lived in a very white-dominated town, and in college, I am surrounded by a diverse community of people. My Vietnamese identity and culture have always been central to who I am, and here, I finally feel like I can fully connect with others who share that background. I’ve even started going by the ethnic pronunciation of my name, something I never did before, having always used the anglicized version. If you’re debating on leaving your home community because you feel uncertain or out of place, I encourage you to take that leap. Even if it’s hard in the moment, it could work out in ways you might not expect.
How did Matriculate help you with this?
Emily: Matriculate offered me a consistent structure of support that I lacked. As a first-generation student, even if my parents had been super accepting of my decision to apply and attend an out-of-state college throughout the process, they wouldn’t have been able to field all my questions. My advisor not only gave me the information I needed but was there to dissuade my worries and cheer on my successes when I felt like no one else was.
Van: My Matriculate advisor helped me review my financial aid packages and go through the pros and cons of each college. Instead of pushing me toward one option over another, she encouraged me to make the decision that I felt was right. Her guidance helped me make my decision with clarity and confidence.
Anything else you would add?
Emily: I should add context, I’m from Lexington, Nebraska. A small, rural, town where a large majority of townspeople are employed at the meat packing plant. The goals set for me were to simply go to a college. I’m eternally grateful for those who made me believe I could dream bigger. I’m going to continue dreaming bigger because I never know where it will take me.
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MEET THE AUTHORS
Emily Briones
Emily is a proud first-generation graduate of Pomona College, class of 2024, originally from a rural immigrant community in Nebraska. She holds a BA in Psychological Science and a minor in Chicana(o)/Latina(o) Studies. Passionate about empowering underrepresented students—especially those who are rural, first-generation, or low-income—Emily is dedicated to helping them navigate the college experience.
Since graduation, she has served as the Volunteer Recruitment Manager at Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Midlands, where she supports the agency’s goals related to volunteer recruitment, child enrollment, and outreach initiatives.
Van Tran
As a former High School Fellow, Van is now a passionate Matriculate ambassador. Van was born in Vietnam but raised in California, Virginia, and currently resides in rural Maryland. She is presently a first-generation, low-income student at Stanford University. These experiences cemented her desire to open higher education pathways for low-income, rural students like herself. Van plans to major in Symbolic Systems (a Stanford-specific major intersecting linguistics and CS) with a minor in modern languages. She is also passionate about community service and dedicated to serving her communities during and after college.