Parents and family play a big role in the college decision-making process. Hear from a college student on how communication and trusting yourself helps with the anxiety.
What role does your family play in your college-going process? Was it important that they were in the loop?
Whether or not your parents went to college, they’re still a part of your lives and will play a substantial role in your college journey. Thinking about the financial part of family support during my college application process was especially important. For me, my mom was pretty hands-off, as she’d never gone herself, and that meant I needed to figure out applications, logistics, finances – what have you. But even when your parents can’t help directly, you’re still going to consider their thoughts and emotions as you apply to schools. Whether or not you can admit it at the time, they have a lot more experience just…being people! They can help you see options you’d never considered yourself, or prepare for possible obstacles you wouldn’t have known about. I wanted to know my parent’s thoughts on my decision-making process, even if I wouldn’t always agree with them. I did my best to keep my mom ‘in the know’, letting her in on my frustrations, successes, and overall thought process over the years. It helped keep us on the same page, and made it a lot easier to celebrate together in the end! Communication throughout the process helps make the college decision feel less like forcing and more like understanding.
What school(s) were you thinking about?
I focused on the ‘bigger’ schools – largely because they offered substantial financial aid packages. There were MIT, Princeton, Carnegie Mellon, Case Western, and Cornell – as well as a few state schools and backups. My mom was familiar with some of the larger ones but didn’t study engineering, so she’d never needed to learn about the others.
Share your journey about how you began the conversations - what was it like? What was hard? What was easier than you expected?
For my specific case, I found it helpful to try and tell my mom about the opportunities I was pursuing, what subjects I was hoping to study, and kept her updated with my plans as they developed. If you have a good relationship with your parents, I’d suggest going out of your way to include them in this time of your life too, even in a small way. They care about you, but may not know how to best support you in such a stressful period of your life. Parents will have their own feelings and anxieties. Making an effort to bridge that gap yourself can help keep everyone ‘in the know’, and make it an event everyone can celebrate in the end.
If you could go back in time and give yourself tips for communicating with your family about the college process, what would you give?
If I were to give myself any advice, I would be more patient, and less dependent. I stressed a lot about what my mom was thinking, and really bent myself backwards trying to please her. She didn’t want that for me, and it didn’t bring me any joy. My parent played an important role of my college decision-making process. But at the end of the day, you have to develop a sense of self-confidence in your decisions, and can’t rely on other people’s approval to ‘prove’ that you made a good or bad choice. Whether or not your parents have heard of your school doesn’t matter – if you love it, that’s the most important thing. Communicate that to your family, and they’ll eventually come to understand, even if it takes a while. Consistent communication also helps parents trust a child’s college decision.
How did your Matriculate Advising Fellow support you in having these conversations?
My mentor affirmed me in ways I wasn’t always feeling at home – as much as I love my mom – and gave me the confidence to settle into my decision and own it. Knowing that another person had gone through what I was, and had come out the other end completely alright, it really helped me keep going. My parent had a role in my college decision but so did other people!
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MEET THE AUTHOR
Allison Dew
Allison is an undergraduate studying Materials Science Engineering at Cornell University, and minoring in Physics. Hailing from rural communities throughout North Carolina and Wisconsin, and identifying as an FGLI student herself, she is acutely aware of how valuable college preparatory programs can be to under-privileged students. Having benefited personally from organizations such as Matriculate, Questbridge, and MIT’s MITES Semester, she frequently returns as a guest speaker and volunteer, seeking to provide the same support and guidance she once depended on.