Thinking of going far from home for college? Anxious about talking to parents about going away? Hear from a student about her transition and advice.
Why did you initially decide to leave your home state for college?
I started this process thinking, “Should I go away for college or stay home?” But I knew I was looking for something different! I’d always lived in rural areas, surrounded by essentially the same kind of people, all following the same sorts of ideas. College, in my head, was an opportunity to challenge myself and my perspective. Going out of state – especially to a city – allowed me to begin this transitional period in a completely unfamiliar atmosphere. In this environment, I’d be pushed to find out who I was without the concern of what people back home would think. It’s been a great way to redefine my own values and aspirations and figure out how to do this ‘adult’ thing, without having other people trying to step in and direct me one way or the other.
Who did you lean on for support before you spoke to your parents?
My mom always knew I wanted to leave the state for college, but toward my senior year, started to get anxious about the idea. She was always supportive, but like any mom, was worried. It did make it hard to share my excitement, though, and tell whether I was making the right decisions. Most students from my area preferred to stay close to home, too, so there wasn’t much understanding there either. That’s where Matriculate really helped out! My mentor happened to be an in-state student but was extremely encouraging of my decisions. Even if she wasn’t offering advice, it was comforting to have someone who could listen. Back then, she seemed so ‘experienced that it helped my confidence to believe that she was in my corner.
Are there any people or resources that heavily supported you?
MITES Semester is a free, 6-month STEM camp directed entirely towards minority groups (including rural students and women), and operates entirely online. If you lack a stable internet connection (like I did), they’ll even ship you a hotspot! The community was vibrant – alumni returned every year to guide the newer cohorts, and the administrators provided individualized counseling as we searched for and applied to universities. There were classes, workshops, and game nights – for the first time in my life, I found people who shared my passion, and challenged me to go beyond it! It was extremely transformative, and I’d suggest it to anyone wanting to pursue a STEM career. The students in that program ended up guiding me to QuestBridge, which is a full-ride scholarship program for low-income high schoolers. I got into a few schools through there, and their preparatory resources were extremely educational, helping to supplement my journey.
What worries or concerns did you have in bringing this news to your parent or guardian?
Parents can be a big piece of going away to college. My mom has always been a worrier, so I thought a lot about how she’d handle my moving away. While I’d always been fairly independent, her personality is one that counts all the reasons to fret about something. In her defense, there are serious risks to moving away from your ‘base’ – even if it’s just one state’s distance – and not everyone is ready for that. It’s all on you – securing your medical insurance, finding transportation to/from home, making money to afford necessities, and planning for emergencies. The best thing I’ve been able to do for her is to do right by myself, and show her by proxy that I’m capable of surviving – and at times thriving – on my own. She’s become a lot more relaxed about the whole situation, which is wonderful for both of us.
What is your biggest piece of advice for students who are thinking about going away for college?
My advice for students going away to college is: When it comes down to it, you’re the one who has to live with your decisions. While you may want to make your parents happy, they can’t make choices for you. Weigh your pros and cons separately, asking where you want to be 4 years down the road, and whether moving helps or hinders that goal. See if there are more benefits to going away for college. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to move away, whether that’s for your own mental health, or because the logistics just don’t work out. But even after accounting for all these factors, if you still feel like you’re making the right choice for yourself – go for it! Be smart, be prepared, and make life work for you.
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MEET THE AUTHOR
Allison Dew
Allison is an undergraduate studying Materials Science Engineering at Cornell University, and minoring in Physics. Hailing from rural communities throughout North Carolina and Wisconsin, and identifying as an FGLI student herself, she is acutely aware of how valuable college preparatory programs can be to under-privileged students. Having benefited personally from organizations such as Matriculate, Questbridge, and MIT’s MITES Semester, she frequently returns as a guest speaker and volunteer, seeking to provide the same support and guidance she once depended on.